Ever since I was a little bitty boy living under the stairs in a corner of the basement under the house a half block down the street of Jerry's bait shop, you know the place, I have been a huge fan of Pikmin, as a kid I owned Pikmin everything, Pikmin shirts, Pikmin toys, Pikmin lunchboxes, Pikmin candy, Pikmin posters, Pikmin socks, Pikmin paper, Pikmin clocks, Pikmin TV sets, Pikmin balls, Pikmin wallpaper, Pikmin bed sheets and finally a custom Pikmin home phone, even thou I was the number one Pikmin fan ever I still needed the first game in the Pikmin series, Pikmin.
After school one day I decided to go on a hunt for the super rare first Pikmin game, I went to the local Denny's, McDonald's (where I didn't find the Pikmin game but I got some cool Pikmin happy meal toys and a pretty smokin blow job from a Pikmin themed glory hole in the men's bathroom), OfficeMax, Jerry's bait shop (you know the place), Party City, Radio Shack, Walgreen's, Taco Bell and J. C. Penny's but to my chagrin none of them had it.
When I was walking to GameStop from Home Depot as I continued my Pikmin search I meet an old west prospector who said to me "You look like you're looking for a Pikmin game am I right? HEHEHEHOHOHA!"
I answered yes and he said "Good, good because I got a Pikmin game for you but it's CURSED!! YAHAHAHEHEHOHOHOHOHOHEHEHEHAHAHAHA!!!!!
After he laughed he took a blood red disc out of his pants and handed it to me, I asked how much he wanted for it but he replied "Oh you can have it for free me boy!!! YUCKHUCKHAHAHAHEHEHOHOHOHO *cough* *cough* HAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEHEHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I figured he was acting weird because he might of been the guy on the other side of that Mc glory hole so I smiled at him then ran home before he could ask me to repay any favors.
When I got home I put the disc into my GameCube but something very peculiar happened, a bloodcurdling scream came from the GameCube after I closed the lid on the console and when the GameCube logo came on instead of the normal jingle the scream happened in the order of the notes in the jingle so it went like AH AHH AHH AH AHH AH AHH AHH AH AHH AHH AHH AH AHH AHH AHH AHH AH AHHHHHH!
After that odd glitch I started the game and I have to say that it meet to exceeded my expectations! It was exactly like the YouTube walkthroughs I watched and after beating the game I decided to buy the other Pikmin game I was missing Pikmin 2.
I hit eBay to find the game to get one step closer to filling the Pikmin void in me and I found a copy of Pikmin 2 selling for $666.66 it was priced that because the seller said that it was an original slightly used Pikmin 2 copy WITH BOX AND MANUAL!!!! Can you believe my luck that I got it for so cheap? After eBay drone delivered it to me I put it into the GameCube and the same glitch happened as before, the only difference being that when I started playing the game an extremely disturbing photo of Olimar and a blue Pikmin flashed on screen for 2.969 seconds! Thank god it was on for so long because I barely managed to screen shot it!
After that horrifying picture flashed on screen I started playing and it went into the opening cut scene but it went differently then I remember from the 48 YouTube walkthroughs I saw, Olimar's ship was covered in blood and he was shaking while his boss was talking and while the ship was crashing the normally snowy Valley of Repose was peppered with spots of blood and when the ship crashed into a tree on the way down and Louie fell out of the cockpit (Something about that word makes my S.S. Dolphin launch if you know what I mean) and while he fell I saw a drop of blood fly from his mouth, but unlike the unrealistic blood that I saw before this blood was REALISTIC!!!!! My heart was beating so fast that I passed out from the hardened cholesterol that reentered my blood stream from the sides of my arteries.
While I was passed out I dreamt that I was on a barren hellscape and Olimar was slowly floating towards me but it wasn't the normal Olimar that I know and love, it was a grizzly, battered Olimar without any eyes and he was coming for me, but what perturbed me the most was the fact that he had blood coming out of his eye sockets and mouth, but it wasn't the cartoon blood from before or even the realistic blood that came out of Louis's mouth the blood that was oozing out of Olimar was HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD!!!!!!
I ran as fast as my surgically shortened legs would carry me (I had them shortened so I'd look more like Pikmin characters, I told you I was hardcore) until I found an elevator and when the elevator opened me and a tidal wave of blood poured out onto the ground and while I coughed up the blood that filled my lungs I looked up and saw the bloodied Olimar floating over me, "Holy hell in a ham basket Batman!" I shouted but before he could touch me I woke up "Wow, what a nightmare!" I said to my self as I sat up but when I looked around I saw that their was a blood stained Olimar plushy next to me.
In a scramble I grabbed a wooden crucifix that was hanging on my wall and waved it at the plushy as I screamed "GET AWAY DEMON!"
"I'm not a demon, I'm just a ketchup stained toy from your collection." The plushy said in an unusually deep voice.
"Thank god, for a second their I thought- WAIT A MINUTE!!!" I said as I threw the crucifix into a garbage can fire I light for warmth, I tried to grab the crucifix from the inferno but it was all ready lit ablaze.
"FOOL!" The demonic plushy said as it started to slowly float towards me.
I ran toward my front door but when I opened it I saw the old west prospector from before who greeted me and said "Nice to see you again, this is kind of embarrassing but I gave you the wrong disc, I was supposed to give you this scary bootleg copy that would depict the game in a scary way that would transition you into the copy you bought off eBay but instead I gave you a copy I was using as a menstrual pad for my mangina, so can I get the copy- JUMPING JESUS ON A POGOSTICK!!!!!!! The prospector shouted as the plushy jumped on his face and started to tear into the flesh on his face.
I closed the door and walked back to the GameCube "That ought to keep that wacked out doll from disturbing my game" I said out loud as I walked back to the GameCube, while I was passed out the cut scene ended and the dialog with the ship started, I just skipped passed all of it because I knew it by heart from the 48 YouTube walkthroughs I've seen and I finally got into the game but unlike the 48 YouTube walkthroughs I've seen on YouTube the landscape was covered in pools of gore and blood and the red Pikmin that you encounter first were not just red they were a shade of red that looked like blood and the Bulborb they were fighting was moaning as blood poured out of it's mouth and on to the ground and when I helped the Pikmin kill it the camera didn't go to Louie like it's supposed to but instead the paper bag that you were supposed to put Pikmin on flattened after five and as it flattened aborted fetal tissue splattered every where! After the fetus bath me and the Pikmin walked to where Louie was supposed to be but all that was there was splattered blood!
The day ended without a cut scene and the boss left a cryptic message for Olimar that said "OLIMAR YOUR FAMILY IS DEAD, I'M DEAD, YOU'RE DEAD, WE ARE ALL DEAD!"
The next day came and Olimar was crying near some Pikmin and was thinking that this was the shittiest creepy pasta game that I've played when I heard a knock on the door, I went to answer it and I saw that my ghetto friend Tyrone was at the door.
"Yo, how's it hanging yo." Tyrone said as I opened the door.
"Not much, just playing some shitty creepy pasta game on my GameCube, what's up with you?"
"Oh you know, I hit my baby momma cause she drank all the grape Kool-Aid and now the biatch is taking me to court for all the unpaid child support."
"So why'd you come?" I asked.
"Cause I was breaking in this new yellow jogging suit and I was speed walking passed your house when I saw that eyeless corpse on your porch and I was wondering what that is about."
"Oh I honestly forgot what happened to that guy, want to come in for some for some chicken and boiled eggs?"
"All right." he said as he came into the house, "Any way how's your Pikmin collection goin- HOLY SHIT, YOU KKK?" he asked as he saw the burning cross in the garbage can fire.
"Naw, I just thru it in there by accident when I was fighting a demonic Olimar plush."
"Okay, as a proud Asian male I need to make sure that I am not in a hostile environment, you know how it- HOLY SHIT!!!!" Tyrone screamed.
"What know?" I asked, but when I turned around I saw that the Olimar plush had some how reentered the house and was stabbing Tyrone!
"No, not Tyrone!" I yelled as I roundhouse kicked the plush into the garbage can fire.
As I cradled Tyrone in my arms a tear ran down my cheek and splashed on his closing eyelid.
"Thank you, my eyes were as dry as your mommas pussy *cough* and... I.... forgot... my.... eye..... drops" Tyrone said with his last breath.
"HAHAHAHAHA" laughed the burning Olimar plushy "You haven't seen my final form let." it said as it suddenly transformed into its real form.
I dropped Tyrone's corpse on my dirty cum stained floor and my mouth fell open with disbelief when the Olimar doll transformed into... SONIC.EXE
"I AM THE LORD OF SHIT!" the demon screamed "I SHALL KILL YOU AND TORTURE YOU IN MY RELM OF DISAPOINTMENT AND CRINGE!!!" the monster yelled.
I opened my mouth and closed my eyes and waited for the big surprise of death when suddenly an archangel crashed thru the roof of my modest ranch style home and purple nurpled the demon into oblivion and when the archangel turned around I saw it was Tyrone! I crawled on my hands and knees and said to my savior, "is there anything I can do to repay you?"
"Will you do anything?" Said the archangel Tyrone.
"Yes my lord- NONONONONO!!" I said when I noticed this Tyrone was Cambodian while the Tyrone I knew and loved was Laotian, but it was to late, the fake Tyrone's eyes started bleeding hyper realistic blood.
"TO LATE, YOU ALL READY SWOREN YOUR SOUL TO ME MORTAL SLAVE!" The disguised lord of shit said before he grabbed me and dragged me into his shitty realm.
I am now stuck in his realm of shit where I am double penetrated over a puddle of hyper realistic blood on a regular basis and forced to write shitty creepy pasta all day every day. Help me... Help me... Help me I've fallen and I can't get up!